That Floating Poo Was Far Too Symbolic! It's the TV Disappointments of the Year.

Looking back, we consider the television offerings of the past year, a handful of shows stand out not for their excellence, but for their spectacular failures. From awkward sequels to bafflingly poor documentaries, here are the programmes that had us utterly bewildered or just reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

How to start with this divisive spin-off? Burdened with dreadful writing, cringe-inducing character development (justice for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the series fought to find its footing. For a moment, as the final season started, it seemed as if it had at last found its groove. Then came an episode all about Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the showrunner declared this would be the final season. It ended on a bum note; the closeup of Miranda’s loo full of poo was just way too symbolic. Yet, viewers undeniably found joy picking apart every single “wtf?” moment. And as Carrie – once again single – danced around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a small sob?

All’s Fair

‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was almost the least of this drama's issues. The recipient of a very rare no-star review, it was hard to know where to begin enumerating the flaws. The hilariously wooden dialogue? The tedious glorification of wealth and consumption? The almost wilful procession of tropes? Performances so bad they felt almost malicious? Suffice it to say “all of the above” and never speak of this series again. However, a new season has been commissioned, so we’re likely going to have to.

The Charlie Sheen Documentary

Given the legal troubles, domestic violence allegations and fatherly shortcomings, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d truly have gleaned it from this three-part documentary which smirked its way at Sheen’s various bouts of reckless hedonism while struggling to tell us a single thing we didn’t already know. Rather, it felt as if this volatile personality was being indulged, so any sympathy this show might evoke should be saved for the people who have had to endure proximity with this charming but dismissive narcissist.

The Iris Affair

Of course we knew it was ridiculous from the outset: a thriller about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or destroy all of humanity. We stuck with it out of sheer admiration for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One scarcely reacted when his character died, and the other ultimately hacking Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. That's what you call admitting defeat.

MobLand

Shady characters convening in empty boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its gangland drama back.

Actually, that is unfair on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a bit old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t endure the ignominy of having to accommodate baffling accents. But there were plenty of other problems. Mainly that it was just really boring; a dispute over drug-selling territory between various London rogues which felt rather simplistic.

With Love, Meghan

Considering the extent to which she grinds the gears of the nation’s ostentatiously enraged commentators, it’s temptingly tempting to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s televised ventures into quaint lifestyle as deliberate statements. But then you watch them and are forced to concede that in this case, they may have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle catalogue come to life; a meme for evening drinks with delusions of grandeur; a procession of snoozing dogs, humming beehives, Hallmark platitudes and pointless crafting “hacks” you’ll not remember instantly. All supported by vast, mostly undeserved wealth. Ugh.

Victoria Beckham

There are clearly interesting things to be said about both Victoria Beckham and her struggles with career, self-image, self-worth. But for some reason, this three-part series chose not to explore them. Rather, the experience was like reading a sales brochure. She obviously has every right to resent what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But sadly, she failed to do herself any favours with this guarded non-event of a series.

The Game Show

It had the potential to be the next big hit – except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star playing dead and a sharp-tongued personality overseeing her inheritance. What more could you want? As players competed, there was plenty of backstabbing and squabbling. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s even now too complicated to explain what precisely was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw glimpses of the star via prerecorded videos. The show ended up smelling of a programme that was straining desperately to live up to something way beyond it.

Too Much

How does one succeed a show that captured a generation? The expectation was enormous for this glitzy romantic comedy about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who lands in London with a broken heart. The star took her biggest role by the horns and was joyous to watch, embodying Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, paradoxically, was insufficient. Plus, the sheer amount of famous friends involved felt icky.

Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping

Not even good enough to be ‘uneven’.

Given the shrewd recruitment of talented emerging comics, hopes were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a single joke milked to a husk but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a well-known irate mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, in contrast, simply inspired the thought that they should probably have remained in there a bit longer.

The Knox Dramatisation

This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely showcased the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an interesting drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this was not it. The subject matter needed to be handled with care. Rather, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right voice, lumbering from strangely breezy, somewhat mannered farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Complex? Perhaps. A complete mess? Very much so.

Prime Target

We love the star … but did we buy him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so intelligent he’s on the verge of a breakthrough that could destabilise society? No! This international thriller about government agencies targeting – and killing off – academics honestly got more absurd by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.

The Bonnie Blue Documentary

This uncritical portrait followed the online personality notorious for explicit escapades as she undertook her most extreme challenge yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we craved was far greater interrogation of her actual psyche, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who appeared to drag her son out of the queue. What we got was horrific imagery and zero critical analysis of her notoriety whatsoever. And to think, the documentary-maker has a young daughter too.

Melissa Martinez
Melissa Martinez

Elara is an experienced ed-tech specialist passionate about creating innovative learning environments and improving educational outcomes through technology.

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