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When news broke that Rob and Michele Singer Reiner had been murdered and their son, Nick Reiner, was a possible suspect, it brought addiction back into the public spotlight. However, parents affected by a child’s substance use are concerned the dialogue will focus on an extremely uncommon act of violence rather than the far more common risks of the disease.

A Personal Connection

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been watching the news. They were merely familiar with the Reiners professionally, yet they feel a connection: their own son also developed a dependency at 15 to painkillers and later illicit drugs, much like Nick Reiner, and spent years in and out of rehabilitation and jail. After a long and painful struggle, their son achieved sobriety in July 2010.

“It’s just heartbreaking,” states Grover. “It tears you up, because that’s a family torn apart, just like so many other families we know whose sons or daughters succumbed to the illness of addiction.”

Understanding the Epidemic

More than two-thirds of Americans report their lives have been impacted by addiction—whether through their own use, a relative’s dependency, homelessness due to addiction, or an overdose leading to hospitalization or loss, according to 2023 data.

Approximately one in six Americans, or 48.4 million people, were living with a drug or alcohol addiction in 2024.

“This can happen to anybody, no matter how rich you are, no matter how disadvantaged you are, no matter how powerful you are,” emphasized Grover.

Fear of Stigma

The Reiner story struck a chord with Greg, who leads a family support group. “We talk a lot about how it’s a condition that affects the whole family,” Greg said. “It has a tremendous impact on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the murders will make people “very wary of anybody who’s admitted to having an addiction, and think that they could become dangerous at any point in time. And that’s simply inaccurate,” Greg noted.

These “are really important conversations to have, since addiction is so prevalent in the United States and the rates have continually increased,” stated an associate professor who studies addiction and the legal system. She pointed to the significant stigma surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “perception of someone being really a threat and the potential for causing violence.”

She also cautioned against jumping to conclusions about the reported involvement of the son or his state at the time, noting it is not known whether drugs or psychological distress were involved recently.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their biased views of addiction and this condition, and fill in the gaps to try to make sense of what happened,” she said. “Because of his history, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his addiction.”

The Reality of Risk

While addiction can lead to unpredictable behavior, and some substances may increase aggression, a brutal act like a double homicide is highly unusual.

“The huge majority of people with addiction or this illness do not ever show anything remotely close to aggression. It’s a real rarity,” the expert explained. “The actual reality is a person is significantly more likely to hurt themselves than anyone else.”

A Parent’s Fear

Both Greg and Grover have lived with fear—not directed at their sons, but for them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to die at some point,” Greg said. “If he returns to using, it’s eventually going to kill him. That’s my biggest fear. And my other fear is just being cut off from him.” He described the agonizing decisions parents face, such as setting limits and sometimes making the “horribly painful” choice that an adult child cannot reside in the family home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you went to sleep, that you could get a phone call or that visit from authorities telling you that he was never coming home,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, 365 days a year, for a parent.”

He recounted the harrowing calls: from the hospital saying a son was unconscious; from prison, where a parent might rationalize behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he shoplifted to support his habit; at least he wasn’t breaking into the neighbors’ houses.’”

The Loneliness of the Struggle

Parents often battle isolation—wondering if the addiction stemmed from some parental failure; feeling responsible for a child’s actions; and worrying about judgment from others directed at both parent and child.

It is extremely challenging to understand a family’s ordeal without having been through it, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can shift instantly. You could be content one day and miserable the next... It’s not unusual for that to happen.”

Hope and Recovery

Data indicates about 75% of people with addiction are able to become sober.

“Just as you can get over any other type of disease, you can overcome this condition, too. You can heal and be productive,” said Grover. “If you work at it and you stumble, you get up and try again.”

Today, his son is a husband and a father, holds a college degree, and works as a union electrician. Grover reflected on his struggle to “fix” his son, realizing it wasn’t possible.

“I can push him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t reach for my hand for help, it’s not going to succeed,” he said.

Yet, they always told him they loved him and believed in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s dealing with someone struggling with drugs: make sure your hand is always, always extended, because you never know when they’ll reach out and accept help.”